“Those fights always follow roughly the same pattern.”

Take apart the fight you keep having. In one evening.

Map the fight, find what it’s really about, and work through what it leaves in your body. On your own.

Get it for $9
Cover of The Fight You Keep Having workbook

You already know how it ends.

It starts small. A few minutes later it’s about everything. Then silence, and you make up as if nothing happened. Until the next time.

Not a weekend passes in our house without a full blown argument with my husband.
Mumsnet, 2017
When we are in the moment, we just lose it and go off.
Talk About Marriage, 2011
I could kick myself afterwards when I realise the pattern has repeated.
Mumsnet, 2017

Knowing the pattern doesn’t stop it. In the moment, it runs anyway.

Five steps. One fight. One evening.

Take the last fight that went the usual way and go through it with a pen. Each step leaves something on paper.

At the end you have one filled page: your Fight Card.

This exercise helps you examine your own response. It doesn't require or guarantee a change in your partner.

  1. 1

    Your fight on one page

    Six boxes, from what set it off to how you made up, with the moment it turns circled.

  2. 2

    What it’s really about

    A short chain of questions that ends in one sentence: “Without ___, I don’t feel ___.”

  3. 3

    Where it sits in your body

    The place, the emotion in one word, and a number from 0 to 10.

  4. 4

    The charge taken off

    Your body finishes what it wanted to do, in a safe way, quiet or loud. Then a second number, next to the first.

  5. 5

    Your new move

    One thing you’ll do at the turning point next time, tied to the signal in your body.

Example: a filled Fight Card

A made-up fight, filled in to show what you end up with. You ask why he didn’t text. He hears criticism. You start explaining harder. The argument becomes about your tone instead of the original issue.

My Fight Card

The turning pointHe said: “Here we go again.”
What I wanted at that momentFor him to say he thought about me during the day.
What it’s really aboutWithout knowing I matter to him, I don’t feel safe.
Where it sits in my bodyChest, tight and hot.
The emotion · what my body wants to doFear · to grab his arm and not let go.
Before · after8 / 10 · 3 / 10
My usual moveI explain harder and louder.
My signalHeat in my chest.
My new moveI say: “I got scared when I didn’t hear from you.” Then I stop talking.

A look inside

Top of the page: Step 1. The map of your fight
Step 1. The map of your fight
Top of the page: Step 2. The chain
Step 2. The chain
Top of the page: Your Fight Card
Your Fight Card

Dmitrii Mozgovoi, hypnotherapist. For 8 years I’ve worked with emotions and changed reactions that switch on automatically.

The Fight You Keep Having

$9

One PDF workbook. One payment.

  • Download the PDF right after payment and start the same evening.
  • Print it or fill it in on screen.
  • About an hour and a half, in one evening.
  • You do it alone. Your partner doesn’t need to take part.

Not for you? Email me within 14 days and get the full $9 back. No reason needed. Refund policy

Get it for $9

Not for relationships with violence or threats, or if you’re afraid for your safety.

Questions before you buy

Does my partner need to do this with me?

No. You go through your own half of the fight. Your partner doesn’t need to know or take part.

How long does it take?

About an hour and a half, in one evening. Five steps, one after another.

What exactly do I get?

A PDF workbook you download right after payment. You go through one fight with a pen and finish with your own filled Fight Card.

Is this therapy?

No. You do this workbook on your own, and it is not medical or psychological treatment.

What if it doesn’t help?

Email me within 14 days of purchase and I’ll refund the full $9. No reason needed.

Is it for relationships with violence or threats?

No. It isn’t made for that, or for when you’re afraid for your safety.

See where your fight turns, and what you’ll do there next time.

14-day money-back guarantee.

Get it for $9